Well, that's even more than less than unhelpful.

What Facebook Has Created. This Monster.

What follows here is a smattering of my life according to me over the last two years. As recorded by said social-networking site. Maybe this is the reason people should keep journals. Keep in mind that content amount has been edited for posterities sake:

Mo Henkelman I had a dream last night that I was on a level of Death Mario-Kart set in Canada. Result: blew up Canada and killed Dr.Phil. Yes. That did actually happen.

Mo Henkelman just put expired throat spray in my mouth..8 yrs expired…expired in ’01…not healthy…hehee..my throat is swelling up….hehehehe.

Mo Henkelman this is re-TARDIS.

Mo Henkelman Because only I would say “bloody hell” as I am inducted into the National Honor Society.

Mo Henkelman choreography:just another thing to add to my unending list of things that I strongly dislike.

Mo Henkelman and always the predictable ultimatum at the end of the email.

Mo Henkelman Just filled out an application for the Dharma Initiative and fully expects a returning interview.

Mo Henkelman has an uncontrollable urge to make loud noises whenever a running vacuum is in the vicinity.

Mo Henkelman So, Wesley, from The Princess Bride, is pretty much the only man in all of history to be able to pull off just a mustache without looking creepy.

Mo Henkelman is currently running to Dagobah. She is unable to message you or respond until she has learned proper jedi training under Master Yoda. Please leave your name, species, and republic/seperatist views at the sound of the lightsaber. Bzzzzsszzzzzzzt.

Mo Henkelman Bloody Hell. Piss. And Donuts.

Mo Henkelman You are about to get a demerit, my friend.

Mo Henkelman “Now unlike some Star Wars purists, I consider the prequels to be Star Wars movies.

Mo Henkelman if I had a horse I would name it Caligula. And refer to it as a consul of Rome.

Mo Henkelman and yet again this horrible event repeats itself inevitably…my jeans just died. They ripped. An Ode To My Skinny Black Jeans That Were Once Black, but Through Subsequent Use Have Turned Grey, and Are Now Ripped With Various Holes–I Shall Remember You Always. That would be a great song. But I have not the heart to compose a song, as my favorite jeans have just…(sob)…died. (Insert dramatic head dropping here.)

Mo Henkelman was just thinking that a guy has to be seriously bad-ass in order to pull off wearing jewelry. Aragorn was so bad-ass.

Mo Henkelman “Why do I get the feeling we’ve just picked up another useless life form?” Kenobi asked on behalf of mankind. He was so right that I wanted to hug him, to throw myself against his haughty crossed arms with a sobbing “You tried, young, hot Obi Wan-Kenobi. You tried.

Mo Henkelman I do actually have conversations in my mind acknowledging any mind-readers in the room. Usually goes along the lines of “Oof. Should have thought more before I thought that. Not that I really could have thought about not thinking it without thinking it…well. Hello, whoever is reading my mind in this room right now. Let me apologize upfront. (insert that’s what she said joke here) Oof. Should have thought more ab..”

Mo Henkelman So. From about fifth grade to seventh grade I looked like the guy from The Breakfast Club. Just saying.

Mo Henkelman making noise is in fact my specialty.

Mo Henkelman is it bad that when I was little I thought that Plato was “Play-doh”? Because I specifically remember watching a National Geographic special concerning “Atlantis” when I was younger. And all I could think was ‘that’s cool that his name is play-doh. I wish my name was play-doh.’

Mo Henkelman because only in the United Kingdom can you say a phrase with the attached word “love” at the end without sounding creepy.

Mo Henkelman this is the part where you let go of old friends. This is also the part when you begin to insert random sci-fi references into your conversations throughout the day. Wait. I already do that.

Mo Henkelman found time in her day to say that the rain “had abetted a bit”. So proud right now that that phrase actually came out of my mouth.

Mo Henkelman Depth perception: apparently it’s there for a reason.

Mo Henkelman sometimes I contemplate putting certain statuses up. And then I think what possible negative reactions might be. And then I laugh out loud (by myself) at the absurdity of the whole situation. And that reminds me of all of the times I share a private joke with myself. And then I laugh more. And then I feel silly for laughing over the fact that I laugh when I make private jokes with myself.

Mo Henkelman So. Earlier today I told Sophia Huang that Roflcopter means: Rolling On Floor Laughing Completely Overwhelmed Peeing and Turning Erroneously Red. It so does not mean that.

Mo Henkelman “Cause I don’t care too much for money–money can’t buy me love (can’t buy me love, can’t buy me love)” unless you’re a gigolo or a prostitute. But it probably isn’t love so…you know what…never mind. I think it is time to go to bed. Before I start making more horrendously ridiculous connections between obscure objects.

Mo Henkelman is heading into a slightly vampiric stage in her life, what with the sleeping during the day and working at night. I even sparkle in the sunlight, because I still haven’t swum yet this summer. Which is preposterous, seeing how I am biologically part fish.

Mo Henkelman Five things that you can always depend on Mo to do: 1. Sneeze LOUDLY. 2. Forget to zip her fly. 3. Laugh Uproariously. 4. Spill the coffee. 5. Erupt into an accent.

Mo Henkelman what is that gross taste in my mouth? Oh, that’s right, Sunny-D.

Mo Henkelman so the depth perception is a wee bit off. Note to self: count the stairs in your head so that you don’t accidentally miss one. Or two. And fall flat on your face. On the kitchen floor. You’ll thank me later.

Mo Henkelman I think my future children (if they magically appear like the Tooth Fairy) will have cross-cultural complexes from me speaking in different accents all of the time. I shall build an army worthy of MO-dor!

Mo Henkelman Do I like Michael Phelps as a person or simply as a fellow American who won lots of gold medals? This is the question I asked myself when deciding whether or not I liked him. Facebook is really kind of definitely maybe a little awkward on the inside.

Mo Henkelman on a scale of one to padawan braids I’d say it’s about a 7.

Mo Henkelman MPPHYS101: Course Description: What floats? Very small rocks and ducks. If only.

Mo Henkelman walked by the trash compactor at work tonight. Man does its reek ever permeate the room quickly. Got me to thinking about Star Wars. I wouldn’t want to smell an intergalactic space trash compactor. Or be stuck in one. Especially without R2-D2 as backup. Just saying.

Mo Henkelman Why do people smoke? To get a high from the nicotine right? If you were intelligent, you would skip the whole rotten teeth, ruined lungs, and inability to breath that comes from SMOKING. Start on the Nicotine gum. Bypass the smoking. Come on people, be smarter about your vices. If you’re going to do something stupid, at least do it with some thought. Nicotene gum equals smarter way to get high then smoking.

Mo Henkelman feels kind of bad for Ralph Fiennes. As I presume many midwesterners refer to him as “Ralph” rather than “Rafe”. Sorry man.

Mo Henkelman you’d think that I was a veteran of a foreign war, what with how much salt I use on my food. Pulls salt shaker out of handbag.

Mo Henkelman And this is the part where I get really excited about my platelets.

Mo Henkelman So. I may have started referring to the Bible as “ye olde histoire”. It just works for me.

Mo Henkelman needs to find a copy of Quest for Camelot real fast to fulfill her once every three months fix.

Mo Henkelman “LOST is like a Haiku. Haikus are easy. But sometimes it doesn’t make sense. Refrigerator.”

Oof.

Cary Grant does not approve.

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