Well, that's even more than less than unhelpful.

SOONER OR VADER. My first go at Nerd Pop Culture Column.

SOONER OR VADER (Column One) by Mo Henkelman

If you were freezing to death on a really cold planet then I wouldn’t hesitate to shove you inside a Tauntaun. What? That’s right. I would totally cut that thing open and stick you inside there with all of its unquestionable innards. Because friends don’t let friends freeze to death especially if there is a perfectly healthy Tauntaun standing right next to them.

Animal rights activist, you say? I say, in this galaxy, a long time ago, that same animal rights activist would have appreciated my ingenuity in using all available materials. Besides. If they were freezing to death, I’m pretty sure that they would be the first ones in line to cut open their beloved Tauntauns.

Confused yet? It’s all right. For the ten percent of nerds who just got really excited about the mention of a Tauntaun, the other ninety percent just drooled on their lapels. For those of you who are currently wiping said spit off of your shirt, I’m here to give you a break. Here’s the super condensed version:

Luke Skywalker is a Jedi (a bad-ass that peacefully saves the galaxy through diplomatic reasoning and the use of lightsabers–we know–it’s ironic.) Han Solo is a hunk. They are in a galaxy far, far away and a long time ago; they also happen to be on a planet that is frozen–Hoth. Luke goes off on a scout mission (because they are hiding their Rebel base from the Empire–led by a really bad politician/dictator known simply as “Darth Sidious”) and he gets stuck in an ice storm. And attacked by a Yeti. I know. I know. Sasquatch in space. It happens. Han Solo manages to find him after much searching; however, Luke is not in very good condition at this point. He is nearly frozen to death. So Han does what any good friend would do. He cuts open his Tauntaun (which is a goat looking creature that stands on its hind legs and is used for transportation on Hoth) and shoves Luke into all of the Tauntaun’s lovely innards. Nice blue intestines. Anyways, this basically saves Luke’s life (although he does seem to have a pretty bad case of hypothermia).

And here we come to the point of the story. Sometimes, even if your friend thinks that you don’t have his back, you need to be the one to cut open that animal and shove him inside when he is in over his head. To put it straight–you need be willing to do something that the rest of the human race would view as ludicrous and utterly ridiculous in order to protect your friend. Don’t cave when they come before you with an awkward question or an issue. Be ready to deal with the mess that comes with being a friend. Be prepared to get down and dirty and leave with your hands a bit messy. As Christians, we seem to have an immediate conflict list that we stick to when presented with heavy issues.

1. Condemn the person. Completely forget about the whole “speck in his eye, log in mine” verse.

2. Pray for the person. (Usually thirty seconds will suffice).

3. Pretend the person never brought it up.

Yes, prayer is good. But maybe you should stop worrying about how messy it is to keep things separate. Be willing to sit down and battle with them. Be ready to walk away with some dirt on your knees. Or Tauntaun unmentionables on your hands. Life happens. People freeze. Will you be the one to sacrifice your Tauntaun for the good of that person?


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