Well, that's even more than less than unhelpful.

SOONER OR VADER: “GUNGAN CONTROL” (Column IV)

SOONER OR VADER: “GUNGAN CONTROL” by MO HENKELMAN

Think of the most annoying character that you could NEVER possibly relate to.  It’s a he (we think?); it has long ears; is rather orange; and has a ridiculous accent. No, he’s not your ginger neighbor. He is, in fact, a Gungan.

What does a highly weaponized piece of equipment have to do with gingers? Absolutely nothing. But this isn’t really about gingers.  Or weapons. This is about Gungans.

That’s right. Gungans. Highly aquatic amphibians (duh) that are surprisingly intelligent enough to deal with an intricate eco system while living in the waters of Naboo.  But as Qui Gon Jinn is quick to point out to Jar Jar Binks, “the ability to speak does not make you intelligent.”

First of all, and this just needs to be thrown out there–“Jar Jar Binks”–I mean, really? George Lucas–you couldn’t delve a little deeper to create a character with some depth? Who do you think you are? The director of some huge enterprise and hit so big that you will never have to do a movie again because of the franchise you created?! Okay, Lucas, I’ll give you this one. As long as you promise to re-edit some action sequences where the stormtroopers actually successfully hit a target.

On a scale of one to padawan braids, Jar Jar Binks would be a definite negative four.  I could rail on him for at least a couple more pages, but as the universe has already accepted his inadequacy as a character as general knowledge and fact, I will cease to expound and “get on with it” as I can hear John Cleese screaming in my right ear.

Nevertheless, our fellow Gungan Jar Jar Binks serves to illustrate one very important point: that the ability to speak does not make one intelligent. How about working on the ability to think? Maybe a few of us should stop exercising our freedom of speech and instead focus on our freedom of thought.

Oh. And on a side note: when Obi Wan Kenobi says, “why do I get the feeling we’ve just picked up another pathetic life form?” you should definitely listen to him. Or end up creating a Sith lord.

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