Well, that's even more than less than unhelpful.


We Knew This Because He Had A Beard.


Ummm. Today.

So. Dollar tree. Everything’s one dollar. Crazy. I know.

I get stuff there sometimes. Today:

1. “Whales” crackers. Basically goldfish offbrand that is so much ridiculously better tasting than goldfish that goldfish should be the offbrand.

Endangered species are just that much more satisfying.

2. Alpine “spiced apple cider” packets. So delicious. Not nutritious. But when all you need to add is water, its perfect.

3/4. Two books. Worth 35 dollars, but combined cost 2 dollars. SWAG.

5. A 3 liter of grape soda. That’s right. 3 liters. It’s like a baby full of delicious carbonation.

6. Chow Mein “beef teriyaki flavor”. So WAY better than yakisoba or whatever-the-actual-japanese-name-brand-really-is. Delicious. And foreign. Cough.

And so ends the foray to Dollar Tree. Got to skype with the Huang twins today. Was a lot of fun. But what was just as fun was introducing my family to the idea of skype. With just a few hiccups in the road, we are now skyping. Like maniacs. Well, we’ve done it once. Grandma, if you’re reading this, you should download skype. Then we can talk into the wee hours of the morning.

Speaking of which, my grandma–AKA G-Dawg–is one of the most intense grandmas ever. She stays up even later than me! Needless to say, she rocks my socks. I’ll be in bed at 1:30 am and get a call from her asking how my day went. Absolutely brilliant.

Went to Perkins. Ordered a short stack and a side of french fries. No. I’m not pregnant. Just odd. I can’t help it. For some people its the stars, for others its freedom, and still others its the ocean floor. Not me. French fries are my calling. Or rather, should I say, chips. With some vinegar.

Mmmmm. Chips. So delicately crispy.

Ah! And I got the go ahead to go with the stormtrooper one-act from my professor, so that’s all tied away.

Yup. Just my life so far today.

And right now my roomate, Kari, is eating pancakes. Not just any pancakes. Blueberry pancakes. (This is important because the only thing she’s been talking about for the last 2 weeks is blueberry pancakes.) So. She’s eating pancakes. With bacon and eggs–that are all leftover from the Perkins run earlier today. Okay, so this little mexican chica, orders the “tremendous twelve”. It has 3 eggs, 4 pieces of bacon, breakfast potatoes, and comes with, I wanna say around 4 pancakes. Needless to say, she didn’t get much down at lunch. And thus my day has been reduced to watching her slowly consume this amount of food.

Also. Eh. Nevermind. I’ll tell you about it later.

To Stormtrooper or Not to Stormtrooper, That is the Question.

Well, it’s been a bloody long time since I’ve updated this. Actually, I’m not sure how long it has been; however, I am fairly sure that it was at least before Christmas holiday which was WAY back in the middle of December, and I’m beginning to suspect, that it was even before Thanksgiving holiday when Into the Woods was going on. In other words–terrible blogging.

I’m a serial blogger. I blog to kill. Wait. That came out wrong.

It’s just that, when I’m consumed by other tasks, this goes on the back burner. Like a serial killer trying to appear normal. Okay, horrible metaphor aside, I’m just not great at following a routine. Unless of course I’m at work. Where I’m required to have a routine. (Hello, prospective future bosses!) That being said, I am now…drum roll please…gainfully employed! Woohooo!

Cue “Money, money, money…money!” Trump theme song. That’s probably copyrighted. And I might just possibly maybe definitely get sued for that one. Or at least fired.

Donald Trump does not approve.

Right, well then. What do I do, you might ask? My ┬áleast favorite thing–cleaning up after people, more specifically, taking out the trash at the university. Which is great fun when you’re in the dead of winter in MN. All complaining aside, it is actually great. No uniform. Get to wear the nose ring. No verbal communication. Get to have an ipod. Basically perfect.

Aside from the “surprise boxes” in the ladies’ room. I like to call them the “Hell No! boxes”. But that’s besides the point. Well, underneath it. Possibly above it or rather near. Not beside.

So, most of my time has been occupied by trying to juggle this new position and the copious amounts of homework sent my way. But I  do have a research paper on King Arthur that I should be working on very soon, so that should, at the very least, make things interesting.

Although, I might find it difficult trying to convince my professor that King Arthur was a very astute man in regards to the migration of coconuts. Get on with it!

Something else heading my way: I’m taking scriptwriting. We have to write a one act and short screenplay by the end of the semester. Hugely daunting tasks. Here’s the thing: I kind of sort of definitely want to do mine about a stormtrooper. A stormtrooper who is an artist (and/or dreams of participating in the intergalactic ballet) that must hide who he truly is in order to serve the empire. His dreams will never fully be realized, as he will die on the death star at the end of the one act because of Luke’s lovely aim. I’m thinking of making it less of a comedy and more of a focus on repressed people (by goodness, there are so many monty python references in this today!), more specifically, the lead stormtrooper who wants to be more than what he is. He wants to create; I’m also thinking of maybe having some internal conflict regarding whether or not he should be for the republic or for the empire. Just a few thoughts. Had to get that off my chest.

Couldn't resist. What with the Donald Trump reference above and all.

Right then. Go to bed, you sodding idiots. It’s 2:24 AM.

If Life Is A Highway–Screw Automobiles–I Want A Jet.

Right. Well, I had an idea. A really good one, in fact. But it just so happened to disappear. So gone. Long gone. Like Moses through the corn. (Insert Acknowledgement to The Black Keys Here.) My word count was just at 33. Right after the parentheses; however, now that I’ve stated that word count, my current word count is at 57.
Yeah, I’m not gonna spend the rest of this doing that. As mildly entertaining as that would be.

Bret's animated counterpart (Moses) is just as confused.

Well, it’s not like everything is set in stone anyways. What am I saying? I really don’t know. Just kind of typing whatever pops here. But trying really hard to leave out the really extraneaous information. Such as “Miguel and Tulio, Tulio and Miguel, mighty and powerful gods” which is from The Road to El Dorado but really has nothing to do with anything. But then that reminds me of the line in that movie “to err is human to forgive is divine” which reminds me of theatre literature class because I had it scrawled on the top right hand corner of the yellow handout. Someone said it first. George Bernard Shaw? Not sure. But that reminds me of Joan of Arc. (He wrote St. Joan.)
Which reminds me of a pageboy haircut (which for a second makes me think of a book in the public library in redwood falls that I read when I was in middle school about how to become a knight) but quickly changes to the fact that I had a real bad mushroom cut for the majority of my little-ness years. Basically until fourth grade-ish, I’m going to say. Which makes me think of that other time in my life when I totally looked like the tough guy from the breakfast club. Yeesh.
Family pictures taken of said haircut. I should say my family plus the guy from the breakfast club. I was practically his stunt double. Had I been alive when that film was created.

And this is what your face looks like right now.

Right. Sometimes….nevermind.

Five Iron Frenzy plus MXPX plus Joy Electric equals Nostalgia.

So, the other day, I had this urge to look up Joy Electric’s “Monosynth” on youtube. Just to check if it still existed somewhere in the world. Or at least the known world, which unfortunately equates to youtube. Not that I don’t appreciate youtube. If youtube didn’t exist I would never have discovered Wheezy Waiter or Julian Smith.

Monosynth. Joy Electric. For sure.

I type it in. “Monosynth by Joy Electric”. And within seconds, for my viewing pleasure, Joy Electric is singing in his really weird music video. And then I decided to hit up all of the old Tooth and Nail Records favorites like Five Iron Frenzy and MXPX. It was great.

Also. I’ve decided that this blog is going to be about silly, awkward, humorous things that happen in my life. Which is how this started, but as of late, it has kind of become my venting post for my frustrations with life. (Mostly NCU and its newspaper.)

So, on to bigger and brighter things. If you want to laugh today, look up “Julian Smith Malk” and “Julian Smith Hot Koolaid” on youtube. And if you want to smile super huge because of ridiculous Christian music videos of the nineties, look up “monosynth Joy Electric”. You will not regret it. Or you will. But at least it will only be approximately 10 minutes of your life wasted. But it sure hasn’t wasted my time yet.

Julian Smith. Seriously, this guy never fails to make me laugh.

Yes. Take A Double-take. It’s Okay. Nazi Prison Camp Does Happen Here.

Those who shall remain unnamed but whose names coincidentally rhyme with Boriah and Galeb. Shout out to G-Dawg. She created this.

This is what happens when you go to grandma’s house. Or the Henkelman house for that matter. Henkelmans are a different breed–separate from society–and for a good reason unexposed to the masses. Because if we were exposed to the masses all hell would possibly break loose. As kids, we were not kept from being creative. Do what you do.

We don’t play hide-and-seek. We play Nazi Prison Camp.

Okay. So it did originate with the Thoofts and the Henkelmans. But still.

We play Nazi Prison Camp. Rules of Play:

1) You pick one person to be the German. (In a normal home life that would be the person “it” during a game of hide and seek.)

2) You pick one person to hide the Jews and have papers present when said German shows up at your door. (In a normal setting this would be the one who tries to throw off the person who is “it”.)

3) Everyone else who is left are the Jews, respectively. (This is the part where you hide. And hope to God that you aren’t discovered by the German.)

3b) If you (a Jew) are discovered by the German then you are sent to the nasty basement (concentration camp) until all of the other Jews are found.

3c) If you (the person hiding the Jew) fail to provide papers for yourself you will also be sent to the nasty basement until all of the other Jews are found.

4) The basement is nasty. You don’t want to go there.

5) The German must stomp around in heavy boots saying things like “Yavul” and “where are your papers?!” Also, it helps if they are in some way armed. Brooms work sufficiently as a shotgun.

5b) Also, the German should be someone who can be menacing but who won’t make you want to wet yourself. UNLESS YOU’RE REALLY IN THE MOOD FOR HISTORICAL RE-ENACTMENT.

6) The game ends when the German has located all Jews. Start Over. (After killing the Jews of course.)

Okay. Not so politically correct. Not really at all. But you know what–I’d rather play Nazi Prison Camp than sit around staring blankly at parents who ignore your presence and siblings who hate each other. Also, this is a good game for those who are competitive. Whenever our family sits down to play a board game someone inevitably ends up leaving the table, game, or crying, ultimately prematurely ending the game. Sometimes you have to be creative to keep everybody engaged.

Actually. I don’t know why I’m defending my family. We don’t really need a defense. We’re just that awesome.

Because it’s more than slightly awkward to have “Han about to kiss Leia” as the header of your blog. If all else fails, go with Jack Sparrow. Nobody ever has anything to say about him. No really. They don’t.

So. If you haven’t noticed yet, those of you who somewhat follow these random musings, I can’t really stick with one “blog theme background thingy”. I went for the grunge look, which worked quite well, but then I didn’t have a header. So I switched to a nice dark theme (a slight variation on the grunge theme but with a header). And then I figured out “customizable header” or in other words “complete license to arbitrarily insert pictures that may or may not accurately represent your blog and will infringe on all copyright rights”. (Does copyright rights seem redundant to you?)

Anyways, after going through dozens of images (including but not limited to Doctor Who, Lost, Me–which led to some concerns about my identity but then I thought “well I guess my identity is on facebook for the whole world to see so I don’t know what the big deal is anyways”–to pictures of knights, more Doctor Who, and then Star Wars. Of course, the only Star Wars picture I had on my mac that was compatible with the “header upload thingy” was a picture of Han going in to kiss Leia. And I felt like maybe that would be a bit awkward. I mean, everytime someone wants to see a post, they gotta look at this big ol’ picture of Han and Leia getting it on, you know what I mean? I feel like that would be a bit strange, if not awkward, and possibly just bogus.

You so would have felt awkward about this. I know I did.

So I settled on Jack Sparrow. Because no one ever has anything bad to say about Jack, excluding Barbosa of course. And it kind of syncs up with the Jack Sparrow quote I have on the main blog page anyway: “Well that’s even more than less than unhelpful”. Although, admittedly, the Sparrow picture that I selected does seem like it would support his more common phrase of “why is the rum always gone?”

So. Those are my thoughts. Also, intramural football is a lot of fun. Who knew one could get such joy from getting muddy and down and dirty early in the morning? Oh, that’s right. Me. I just forgot about how fun soccer was for the six years I played. Football was fun. Usually I rip on football. Because it just isn’t as tough as Rugby. Which is true. But technically, since we weren’t playing with pads, I would kind of compare intramural football to rugby. Oh, and I got to run into people without getting in trouble. Although, now I am really sore. Like super crazy sore. But so worth it. Man, I love mud and battle wounds!

And now I am going to try to sleep. Until some other random thought passes through my head and I have to get back on the internet to check wikipedia. That’s the problem about asking questions. You have to look for the answers. Which gets pretty annoying when you’re trying to fall asleep but all that you can think about is what the main ingredient for borscht is. (It’s beets if you didn’t know. Now I know.) Also, borscht is a very fun word to spell, type, and say. Just do it.