Well, that's even more than less than unhelpful.

Star Wars

We Knew This Because He Had A Beard.


To Stormtrooper or Not to Stormtrooper, That is the Question.

Well, it’s been a bloody long time since I’ve updated this. Actually, I’m not sure how long it has been; however, I am fairly sure that it was at least before Christmas holiday which was WAY back in the middle of December, and I’m beginning to suspect, that it was even before Thanksgiving holiday when Into the Woods was going on. In other words–terrible blogging.

I’m a serial blogger. I blog to kill. Wait. That came out wrong.

It’s just that, when I’m consumed by other tasks, this goes on the back burner. Like a serial killer trying to appear normal. Okay, horrible metaphor aside, I’m just not great at following a routine. Unless of course I’m at work. Where I’m required to have a routine. (Hello, prospective future bosses!) That being said, I am now…drum roll please…gainfully employed! Woohooo!

Cue “Money, money, money…money!” Trump theme song. That’s probably copyrighted. And I might just possibly maybe definitely get sued for that one. Or at least fired.

Donald Trump does not approve.

Right, well then. What do I do, you might ask? My ┬áleast favorite thing–cleaning up after people, more specifically, taking out the trash at the university. Which is great fun when you’re in the dead of winter in MN. All complaining aside, it is actually great. No uniform. Get to wear the nose ring. No verbal communication. Get to have an ipod. Basically perfect.

Aside from the “surprise boxes” in the ladies’ room. I like to call them the “Hell No! boxes”. But that’s besides the point. Well, underneath it. Possibly above it or rather near. Not beside.

So, most of my time has been occupied by trying to juggle this new position and the copious amounts of homework sent my way. But I  do have a research paper on King Arthur that I should be working on very soon, so that should, at the very least, make things interesting.

Although, I might find it difficult trying to convince my professor that King Arthur was a very astute man in regards to the migration of coconuts. Get on with it!

Something else heading my way: I’m taking scriptwriting. We have to write a one act and short screenplay by the end of the semester. Hugely daunting tasks. Here’s the thing: I kind of sort of definitely want to do mine about a stormtrooper. A stormtrooper who is an artist (and/or dreams of participating in the intergalactic ballet) that must hide who he truly is in order to serve the empire. His dreams will never fully be realized, as he will die on the death star at the end of the one act because of Luke’s lovely aim. I’m thinking of making it less of a comedy and more of a focus on repressed people (by goodness, there are so many monty python references in this today!), more specifically, the lead stormtrooper who wants to be more than what he is. He wants to create; I’m also thinking of maybe having some internal conflict regarding whether or not he should be for the republic or for the empire. Just a few thoughts. Had to get that off my chest.

Couldn't resist. What with the Donald Trump reference above and all.

Right then. Go to bed, you sodding idiots. It’s 2:24 AM.

SOONER OR VADER. My first go at Nerd Pop Culture Column.

SOONER OR VADER (Column One) by Mo Henkelman

If you were freezing to death on a really cold planet then I wouldn’t hesitate to shove you inside a Tauntaun. What? That’s right. I would totally cut that thing open and stick you inside there with all of its unquestionable innards. Because friends don’t let friends freeze to death especially if there is a perfectly healthy Tauntaun standing right next to them.

Animal rights activist, you say? I say, in this galaxy, a long time ago, that same animal rights activist would have appreciated my ingenuity in using all available materials. Besides. If they were freezing to death, I’m pretty sure that they would be the first ones in line to cut open their beloved Tauntauns.

Confused yet? It’s all right. For the ten percent of nerds who just got really excited about the mention of a Tauntaun, the other ninety percent just drooled on their lapels. For those of you who are currently wiping said spit off of your shirt, I’m here to give you a break. Here’s the super condensed version:

Luke Skywalker is a Jedi (a bad-ass that peacefully saves the galaxy through diplomatic reasoning and the use of lightsabers–we know–it’s ironic.) Han Solo is a hunk. They are in a galaxy far, far away and a long time ago; they also happen to be on a planet that is frozen–Hoth. Luke goes off on a scout mission (because they are hiding their Rebel base from the Empire–led by a really bad politician/dictator known simply as “Darth Sidious”) and he gets stuck in an ice storm. And attacked by a Yeti. I know. I know. Sasquatch in space. It happens. Han Solo manages to find him after much searching; however, Luke is not in very good condition at this point. He is nearly frozen to death. So Han does what any good friend would do. He cuts open his Tauntaun (which is a goat looking creature that stands on its hind legs and is used for transportation on Hoth) and shoves Luke into all of the Tauntaun’s lovely innards. Nice blue intestines. Anyways, this basically saves Luke’s life (although he does seem to have a pretty bad case of hypothermia).

And here we come to the point of the story. Sometimes, even if your friend thinks that you don’t have his back, you need to be the one to cut open that animal and shove him inside when he is in over his head. To put it straight–you need be willing to do something that the rest of the human race would view as ludicrous and utterly ridiculous in order to protect your friend. Don’t cave when they come before you with an awkward question or an issue. Be ready to deal with the mess that comes with being a friend. Be prepared to get down and dirty and leave with your hands a bit messy. As Christians, we seem to have an immediate conflict list that we stick to when presented with heavy issues.

1. Condemn the person. Completely forget about the whole “speck in his eye, log in mine” verse.

2. Pray for the person. (Usually thirty seconds will suffice).

3. Pretend the person never brought it up.

Yes, prayer is good. But maybe you should stop worrying about how messy it is to keep things separate. Be willing to sit down and battle with them. Be ready to walk away with some dirt on your knees. Or Tauntaun unmentionables on your hands. Life happens. People freeze. Will you be the one to sacrifice your Tauntaun for the good of that person?

It’s All Fun And Games At PG Until You’re Transported Into A Galaxy Far Far Away (A Long Time Ago)

PG was really good tonight. The backgrounds of the slides were very inspirational. They made it through the whole thing without a hitch until approximately 11:57pm at which point the song by Phil Wickham “Always Forever” began. Don’t get me wrong. I love the song. But the background is what killed me. I had to leave because I was laughing out loud. You heard it here first.

Okay. So picture a desert vista. It is twilight. Not the book series. You see a moon. And a sun. Except that the picture isn’t the clearest so it looks like there are two suns. Now think of another place. A planet. That is covered in sand. With two suns. Imagine a young man staring at the two setting suns while majestic music plays in the background. Still not sure where you are?

You, my friend, are in Tattooine.

"You are the hand that catches my fall/ You are the friend that answers my call/ You are the grace that covers my sin/ You're everything--the beginning and end." Just doesn't work so well when you're too busy thinking about the fact that Luke Skywalker is the most whiny Jedi in the galaxy.

And you find yourself thinking “when did I find transport to even get to Tattooine?” Just remember. You heard it here first, folks.